Slump // Lump

-I thought my last post is long time ago, but its actually last Tuesday! not even a week! Problems come so sudden that I can't manage my mind. Urgh, need to re-manage the mind 🤔
After the last post, my life have been ups and downs. I guess after stopped writing to my idol, I start to lack on my routine. Sleep order is miserable, solat sunat rarely happen, English and Korean class just happen occasionally and many more things I think I lacking. Its not easy to be back on track when you start stray away. So at the first place, why sway?. Sometimes, its unavoidable. We are human, making mistakes over and over again. Gonna learn and moving on. Try to improve where possible. I'll try write again to my idol (even if its just imaginary). At least it keeps me organize and follow my routine. Most important, I need to learn to not run away from problem by watching youtube all day all night. I gotta improve my views. I know I can do it, and I will not pressure myself on unnecessary problem. Life goes on, time clicking, I need to move forward. I will move forward.

Life has been good lately

I start to adapt the act of grateful in my life. I'm happy and grateful for everything. Oh, and I started to write to my idol (but have stop due to certain reason), regarding my daily life. During the process, I learned to see positive things in my life and also I try to accomplish things daily. I learned to forgive myself if things not according to plan. Most importantly, I manage to overcome self-harm thoughts. Yeay, for me! I know it might be temporary, but at least it is a success at that time. One more thing, I try to create routine in my life. I start to pray "sunat", sleep early (regular time), waking up early, do yoga or stretching at least. I also start learning Korean, and try to improve my English. Yup, the progress for my research is so slow (and I think its so little), but at least I'm moving forward. Not stuck at one place. I keep learning. Things are hard, but nothing worthy comes easy. Work hard for bigger success. We can do this! Keep the spirit high, keep the hope high. Don't wary on unnecessary thing, and don't compromise with our goal. Be passionate. Till then, hope we will always be grateful, happy and insightful. Bye 😸

Master Journey

I guess its actually to teach me lots of things. The journey, not exactly about the research I need to do.
1) belajar untuk menguruskan diri dan menguruskan jadual kerja
2) belajar untuk yakin pada diri, yang kita boleh selesaikan/siapkan
3) belajar urus masa. mana yang penting, mana yang tidak.
4) belajar untuk mulakan kerja dari mana. kecikkan scope keje supaya tahu mana nak mula.

I write the same thing, but I seriously don't know what to do. Its not that I completely don't know, its just the start point. There're so much in plate, I don't know where to start. Okay, lets say if I know. but then why I don't start? maybe the reason of overwhelmed? Stressing on dah tak banyak masa, tapi still wandering here. Maybe I know where to start, I know its somewhere in my mind. I just need to focus. Focus on how to finish this project. so that I can figure out which area lacking, then we can start from there. Rasa doomed kan, repeat benda sama? Master journey? What I want from it actually? Why I start it at the first place? I guess I don't have any expectation from my master. I thought it just another student year. But its not. This is preparation for the real world. You are alone, you fight your own demon. You trying to finish what you start. I be here because I believe this is the place made for me. Allah has made it easy for me to go thru the application and all, thus I believe this is the best for the moment. And I will keep believing that. Its hard, but its not impossible. People can do it, so do I. Yeah, its completely different from what I had in mind, but hey, we human can adapt. We adapt ourselves to suit the situation. We human living. I guess a little pep talk don't hurt my time, because that's exactly what I need at the moment. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. ☺️💌

Cycle

Its complete cycle. Round and round. We slipped, then we get back on track. Its okay. Do not care how many times we fall down, the important thing is we get up again. That's my life motto. Life feel so good when you can smile again after you cry. Yup, hopeless over the weekend, with nobody knows. But, I get up. Walaupun lambat, but I still get up. Now ada dkt IRC, at least one achievement already! Nope, bukan satu, tapi bnyk. I managed to stop watching drama (finished all the episode already hiks), managed to mandi wajib then solat. managed to have my stomach full. n manage to be here. Thats lot of improvement and achievement, right? I'm not gonna give up. I live for my parents, my friends, for Nuest and Suju, for people surround me, and most important, I live for me. I want to feel proud of myself. The process is not gonna be easy, but most importantly, I did not give up. There's still hope. 

Oh, and regarding my master, I know what I did is wrong. and I will not gonna repeat it again. I learned truly about the real meaning of integrity. Its make your heart not in ease. I believe the time given is the opportunity for me do correct it. I still have time, only if I really do it in the right way this time. Yeah so little time, so many to do. but what to do? my mistakes the last time, I waste so much time. But its okay, selagi aku buat perkara yg betul. If I do it right, maybe I don't need to tell everything. Buat perkara yg betul, dan kalau busted, kita bagitau benda yg betul. for now, teruskan dgn membetulkan apa yg salah. 

Selagi hati tak tenang, selagi tuh kita tahu ada benda yang tak settle. Maafkan orang, dan minta maaf dkt orang (dgn jujur dan ikhlas). Positive.