After a year passed, now I'm back in UTP for my master. Last posts were written during my final year here. Remember very single place where I wrote them. Now, going back here to posts some more again. Things not going so well. I'm lost motivation, or I can say, I lost the spark in my life/heart. Like, I live without a purpose. I tried, but I just can't see the light. I also dunno to whom I can speak to. My old posts always ended up with me being motivated towards myself, but for now, I just don't feel to. Plus, I'm always run from reality. Eg: watching/searching socmed until time passed.
Other thing, about my Master. I passed the RPD (first presentation). but actually I lied about the results. I lied about the progress. I don't even start anything, *I don't even understand a thing. I still not confident with the tittle/project. I doomed. I talked to nobody about this. How can I expose to the world that I'm actually cheating? Okay, main reasons for doing that is actually I'm so stressed out that the dateline is already near, n my supervisor already decided the date. So I just need to go with the flow. I thought I can correct it afterward, but here I am, still doing nothing. Okay, another thing, the reason behind all these mess (not having enough time to do RPD thinggy), is because I'm just ignoring the reality. Focus/waste too much time visiting the past, visiting friends' socmeds, watching kpop things and dreaming of something that will be never be real. I just keep running from all the responsibility. I know that, but I can't get grip of my live. Hope, someone can help me because I already can't help myself on these. I've spent so much time on internet nowadays. Seems like I can't get hold on my life, can't even monitor and schedule my routine. **uckmylife. I don't asked people understanding, but I hope someone can reach/help me. Things is, people will not know if I don't say/open up to them right? ah, complicated life!
One another thing, I think my life right now is full with hatred. I hate everything. There's always something not right. And all these keep building up inside of me, because I can let it out. Its frustrating! How to be back on track?
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