This time, I couldn't blame anyone else but myself.

Acknowledgement.
In order to grow, I need to accept the fact of my mistakes. To accept whatever happen is on my own choice. My choice to do the wrong way, my choice to keep run from reality, my choice to keep avoiding the fear. Fear of not understand a thing about what's going on for my research, the fear that I lied the last time (even on the application: only some part of it is truth), the fear that I need to face my supervisor anytime soon, the fear of people watching, the fear of people's perception towards me. I keep running away. I keep avoiding it. I understand what should be done, but here I am. still afraid to move forward. back of my head, I'll keep running from these fears. I'll back to hours of kpop, hours of kdrama, hours of crying, hours of self-harm, hours of of isolating myself from surrounding. Keep making excuses that doesn't even make sense.
However, I'll keep believing that Allah will not burden a soul beyond that it can bear. I'll keep my faith strong. I'll keep going for my life. whatever happen, I'll keep breathing and living. =) don't worry about me, everything gonna be okay. Trust yourself, trust Allah.